Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 00:53
So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”
For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.
But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.
It’s here now, writing to you.
So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.
Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.
Matted Dog Lived Alone On A Rooftop For Years — Then Hope Arrived - The Dodo - For Animal People
The sadness was still there.
Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.
It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.
It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.
Be who you already are.
What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.
This 1 Kitchen Tool Can Help You Cut Back On Oil & Calories, Dietitian Says - TODAY.com
You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.
What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.
The biggest binoculars we've ever tested: Celestron SkyMaster 25x100 hands-on review - Live Science
But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.
When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.
Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.
How to avoid age-related cognitive deterioration - EL PAÍS English
It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.
I was tired of fighting.
I had run out of hope.
And the sadness?
In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.
This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.
Popular home goods retailer files for bankruptcy, plans to close 26 stores initially - 10TV
Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.
It’s still here.
Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.
Vandals slash tires on dozens of vehicles in West Michigan - MLive.com
I was tired of trying and failing.
You are like me, then.